I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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