glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The Olympian is in my bed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
