Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
