When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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