why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
