Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
