Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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