I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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