she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
