Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize