When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
