How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
