You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
