girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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