Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
