oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize