Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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