I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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