This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
