I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
