Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
