Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
