We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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