I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
