Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
