i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
