What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize