shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
