Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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