Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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