i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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