you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
