Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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