I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
