A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
