The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
