Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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