im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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