remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
