the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We talked him into tasing himself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
