someone get that fucking seahorse.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize