I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
