were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
