It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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