u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
