Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
