everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
