I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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