Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
