I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
