you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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