Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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