This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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