Got a toothbrush?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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