And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
