We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
