Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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