Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
