I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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