True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
