I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
