I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
