I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
