we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
