How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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