he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to be your penis for a week.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
