I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
