it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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