The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
