It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am naked and annoyed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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