The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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