U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
